


You'll Be Safe Here

by eastwoodgirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, EWE, M/M, Romance, Songfic, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 09:19:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1739405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eastwoodgirl/pseuds/eastwoodgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Black and White. Dark and Light. One Loathed and one Revered. Polar opposites find solace and comfort in each other's arms. But it won't be easy. Harry Potter has been in the spotlight all his life but he remains incomplete. Severus Snape's destiny has been cast aside in the shadows; he too wants to be whole. They would find what they both want and need in each other but those around them won't make it easy. If everything and everybody was against their unlikely union, will their love survive the adversity? Or will they be forced to take the easy way out? Told in first person POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Random Circumstance

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter is J.K. Rowling's. You'll be Safe Here is by Rivermaya. This decent attempt at fiction is mine.
> 
> WARNING: AU/OOC. Implied self-harm/ SLASH/ Abuse/ Violence/ CHARACTER DEATH. You have been warned.
> 
> RATING: M (for mature readers only)
> 
> SUMMARY: Harry Potter has been in the spotlight all his life but he remains incomplete. Severus Snape's destiny has been cast aside in the shadows; he too wants to be whole. They would find what they both want and need in each other but those around them won't make it easy. If everything and everybody was against their unlikely union, will their love survive the adversity? Or will they be forced to take the easy way out? Told in first person POV
> 
> A/N: This song-fic is inspired by Rivermaya'sYou'll Be Safe Here. I recommend that you listen to the song while you read for the full effect. It's such a hopeful song but you can take its meaning both ways. This is what I came up with. Enjoy.

**Chapter 1: Random Circumstance**

" _Nobody knows_

_Just why we're here_

_Could it be fate,_

_Or random circumstance?_

_At the right place_

_At the right time_

_Two roads intertwine."_

**[Finding Direction: Harry Potter]**

I am lost. I have been lost ever since I can remember. It seems that without the prophecy weighing on my shoulders, I do not know where to go, what to do next. I grew up faster than most kids; plotting to kill evil dark lords, when in fact I should just be planning dates, cramming my head with every possible tactic and lethal spell known to wizard kind when I should just be worrying about passing my exams.

Sometimes, I ask myself,  _'Why me?_ ' The same question, I ask whenever my uncle would beat me senseless with his fists for something I didn't do or have no control with, like a failed transaction with a client, or a bad weather during an outing, or his favorite TV show getting canceled; mind you if I did do something, he'd still beat me senseless. It is the same question I ask whenever my own aunt would lock me up for days, purposely forgetting to feed me or give me water at least; whenever she would call me a ' _freak'_ \- her own flesh and blood through my mother, whom she loathed with a passion. It is the question I ask whenever Dudley and his gang would pick on me and make me feel the freak that my aunt says I am.

It is also the question I ask when people would expect too much of me; when I seemingly fail in their eyes, when all I did was just be myself. Oh, how many times did I fall under their expectations? Sadly, I have lost count. The war may be over but they will always be watching my next move until the day I die. It is my destiny.

I am lost - in every possible manner of speaking. I am tired of always looking out for signs and boundaries given to me by those who pretend to care. Does anyone  _really_  care at all? How do I tell them to get lost, to beat it, and that I am done with following the path that they have painstakingly laid out for me like a good lap dog?

Now, I want – no, I am ready to just be myself, who I want to be. I'm done with restrictions. I will go where I intend to be.

No prophecy set in stone or any random circumstance can stop me.

**010101010**

**[Finding Direction: Severus Snape]**

Why am I even here? I should have perished in the final war, together with all of my hopes and dreams.

What is my purpose now? Am I to live a life of constant misery and apathy? Am I to continue existing, a mere shadow, a shell of who I once was? I have long given up my right to be alive, to be happy, to be free. I have long signed my life away to the devil in exchange for redemption, in the eyes of those who pretend to uphold the right and the dignified. And what do I get in return?

Indifference. Hate. Mockery. All for what I have done… and what I have seemingly failed to do.

I have been condemned to a life of slavery. Slavery to their norms. Slavery to what they deem is right. Slavery to other people's needs and wants. And what now of my own? I have been at their beck and call for so long that I no longer even remember what makes me smile, what makes me cry, what makes me truly whole.

My happiness is expendable. It has and forever will be in their eyes. Besides, a traitor, like I was, does not deserve redemption, much more, fulfillment in their eyes.

I shall need to start from scratch if I want to break out from this mortal prison designed for me. I am done with putting up with their masks - I am done with meeting them halfway. I shall endeavor to find my own paradise and no one can tell me to do otherwise.

And when I do, I will never let go.

**010101010**


	2. Fuel and Fire

**Chapter 2: Fuel and Fire**

" _And if the universe conspired_

_To meld our lives and make us fuel and fire_

_Then know_

_Wherever you will be_

_So to shall I be…"_

**[Finding Reason: Severus Snape]**

The day after the war, I woke up alone, bleeding profusely. It was only because of my magic that I continue to breathe. I looked around and saw the devastation that a deluded mind had caused. It's finally over, I told myself. I continued to lie down on that small patch of grass amongst the dirt. I closed my eyes, waiting for the final release.

But it never came.

From a distance, a bright white light came and  **it**  spoke to me; it told me not to give up, to awaken, to live. It was a voice filled with hope, sincerity and honesty that I could not help but want to listen to it more. It was a breath of fresh air among the ruins surrounding my being.

I opened my eyes and found myself instantly drawn into this mesmerizing pair of emerald green eyes, eyes that belonged to this wonderful creature, this… angel.

I had so wanted to move on; I have never been more ready to just let go and be done with it. But one look from those eyes and my resolve caved in.

Maybe there is still reason to continue living.

**0101010101**

**[Finding Purpose: Harry Potter]**

I lowered my wand.

After a full day of battle, it was finally over. I took my eyes off the crumpled robes of black in front of me and surveyed the destruction I had helped create; fallen warriors everywhere, both for the light and the dark, each life taken was a piece of my own soul, gone forever.

My heart had just wanted to stop beating. I have done my part. It is time for me to finally be with those that matter to me the most.

At long last.

I had decided to look for a quiet refuge, a place where I can be alone in my demise. I tried the outskirts of the village. Surely, no one will think to find the hero in a lowly place such s this. There was a cliff. Perfect, I thought. I closed my eyes and dropped my wand. I am ready.

As I was about to throw myself off the ravine, I heard heavy panting. There was someone alive just very near me. Great, I just couldn't die alone by myself, letting whoever was still fighting for life, perish at my expense. It was my 'saving people thing'. I glanced around until my gaze fell upon a pile of dirty black robes. I took my wand and approached with caution. It may be an enemy, for all I know.

My eyes were me vision; black hair, pale face, and blood, a lot of it. It was quite a miracle that the man was still breathing. But his eyes were closed, this man. I cannot see into them.

So I called his name, all the thoughts of ending my life, forgotten. I knew this man, I knew his life, I knew his pain. If there was somebody who deserved to live, no, who deserved a life after all of this, it was him.

I shall make sure he lives even if I have to be by his side, every single step of the way.

**010101010**


	3. You'll Be Safe Here

**Chapter 3: You'll be Safe Here**

" _Close your eyes_

_Dry your tears_

' _Coz when nothing seems clear_

_You'll be safe here_

_From the sheer weight_

_Of your doubts and fears_

_Weary heart_

_You'll be safe here."_

**[Finding Solace: Severus Snape]**

**0101010101**

We have reached an unspoken agreement, him and me. After all, we have lived all our lives on the opposite sides of the fence. But the day he saved me, I vowed to be always by his side, no matter what.

It was a week after it had all ended; He had taken me in. We were in an undisclosed location. He had said that he wanted to be away from it all, nothing more. The gesture surprised me; for one, I thought he had hated me, for I have always made his life miserable, even if it was just a role I had to play – begrudgingly at that; another, was that he was a hero, surely he wanted the fame and the adulation that came with the job description? What am I missing here?

I was a spy, for the light, but a spy nonetheless. I was a man of questionable morals. Why was he, the beacon of light, consorting with me?

I tried to find myself some answers in those vibrant green emerald eyes. I was so used to seeing mischief, desire, passion and life in those orbs; but what I got was nowhere even near: rejection, betrayal, pain and uncertainty. This seventeen year old young man had the eyes of an empty, jaded old-timer who has seen too much for comfort. Those eyes were sending the world out there, to my perspective, a silent plea for help.

I sighed. Maybe we were more alike than I thought.

But it was still unnerving for me to find the most esteemed Prince of Gryffindor, possibly in the same plight as I am.

It was disturbing, and yet comforting in a twisted manner.

I was not alone. Maybe I should make sure he does feel that same way.

**010101010**

**[Finding Solace: Harry Potter]**

I sat alone in an armchair by the fire, a couple of weeks after that fated day. I stared blankly at the glowing embers, a habit that I had developed just recently.

Nobody knew where I was, I had made sure of that. Well, nobody, except for him.

I stood up and walked towards the nearest window. It had a view of the surrounding summer garden. Amongst the lilies and the daisies, my housemate stood, his hands touching the thigh-high growth of grass. His seemingly fathomless ebony eyes seemed to be lost in thought, staring at a distant horizon.

These past few days have been quiet, too quiet. Ever since we have agreed to a truce, without actually discussing it, we have both lived in peace. There were days that we did not even speak at all, not even "pass the salt" over the dining table. But never have I felt alone; He was always there… for me, a constant presence in my constantly shaky world. He need not speak at all actually. Even without words, for some reason, I began to hear him, I feel him with me, deep within me.

Sometimes I wonder if he knew why I asked him to stay with me. But one look into that ostensibly endless expanse of his obsidian eyes is all that I need to counter my fears.

He knew that I needed him. And he doesn't mind.

I continued to watch him caress those brightly colored petals and leaves. I can't help but wonder how it must have felt – to be touched, to be wanted, to be loved.

I was about to turn away and get back to the armchair by the fire when his gaze met mine accidentally. I had expected a scowl or even a slight frown.

But to my utter surprise and shock…

He smiled at me.

**010101010**


	4. We Belong

**Chapter 4: We Belong**

" _Remember how we laughed_

_Until we cried?_

_At the most stupid things_

_Like we were so high?_

_But love was all that we were on_

_We belong."_

**010101010**

**[Finding Acceptance: Harry Potter]**

Somewhere out there I know thousands of owls had tried and had failed to just even reach me, let alone deliver their burdens. Letters of well-wishers, packages of gratitude, wills proposals and even occasional howlers.

But they cannot find me.

It has been a month since I took off, hiding myself from the rest of the world, but I couldn't care any less. If truth be told, I was actually enjoying every moment.

I sat by the kitchen table one morning, whisking eggs and cream in a bowl absent-mindedly. He, all of a sudden, came in with his ever present but quiet demeanor. I looked up from where I sat and smiled at this dark man. He smiled back at me as it has become our morning routine. He rummaged through the pantry and started to make tea. I stood up and began heating up the hot plate to make pancakes.

It did not fail to escape my notice how pleasant everything was – ever since I took him in that day and he kept me company.

The softly boiling kettle, and the smell of butter, the warmth his presence has given my once achy, wounded and cold soul.

As I flipped the pancake over, I had decided right then and there that this is where I belong.

That maybe I couldn't go on living without him.

**010101010**

**[Finding Acceptance: Severus Snape]**

I have never felt wanted or needed.

And yet, here I was; there was somebody who had actually required and appreciated my presence, my being.

We fell into a routine of living together for two months now. In that short period of time, I have never been more fulfilled; I have never been happier.

It's hard to explain; but deep in my heart, I know that it was meant to be. It felt right.

It was one afternoon, after an excellent late lunch we had made together. We both sat across each other by the fire in the living room, catching up on our readings. I sighed deeply and closed the thick volume that I was holding and placed it on my lap. I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. I felt an oncoming headache.

When I had opened my eyes again, to my surprise, a serene angel with emerald orbs pierced right through me in concern. I couldn't help but be hypnotized by them. Then pale, delicate hands met mine; it electrified every inch of me – the oncoming headache, now forgotten. He asked me if I was alright, his lips ever moving so slowly. I stared at them then at him, transfixed. Right then I had wanted nothing but to silence those lips with my own.

So I did.

My own uncertain ones met this wonderful creatures own soft, trembling mouth; I had taken him by surprise. I had ruined everything, I thought: his trust, his devotion, his friendship. Whatever we have built together these past few months, gone, all because I had to act on a stupid desire. He had done nothing but good to me. He saved me from death, from life, from myself… and I just had to let go of all that.

I had expected him to push me away, to curse me, to send me off to be on my own. But to my utter shock, instead of that…

He kissed me back.

I had wanted to pinch myself to check if I was dreaming. But in case I was, I didn't want to risk it. I tried to pull away to ask him why, but my beautiful angel's hands held on to me. There was nothing to hear but the crackling of the fire. That, and the synchronized beating of our hearts.

But that was more than enough for him to let me know.

That he had desired me as much as I did him.

**010101010**


	5. Unlikely Union

**Chapter 5: Unlikely Union**

"  _And though the world would_

_Never understand_

_This unlikely union_

_And why it still stands_

_Someday we will be set free_

_Pray and believe…"_

**[Finding Comfort: Harry Potter]**

I was exhausted. But I had never slept more soundly in my whole life as I did now; all my nightmares were but wisps of memories I have never been more glad to get rid of. Nobody would understand, not that I expect them to, but I have never felt more complete now that I am with him.

Him.

I sighed contentedly, as I rubbed my left cheek against bare skin. The heavy musk and minty scent of mixed potions excited my senses still, no matter how many times before that I have already found myself waking up with him next to me.

Him.

He has told me countless times how I have become his angel; while preparing breakfast, during long walks, in the heat of worshipping each other's sensitized flesh. How I have saved him from his doom and gave him another chance at redemption. How I have made him feel human: loved, accepted and appreciated.

Every glowing adoration, he translated into his hands, his lips, his cock; working his magic, the kind that I have never experienced before.

Yes, every moment with him is magical.

Yes, I am his angel.

I am his fallen angel.

I have fallen for him.

And him alone shall I belong to for all eternity.

**010101010**

**[Finding Comfort: Severus Snape]**

I have never wanted to wake up in the morning more than I do now.

My sweet angel…. Just having him next to me is a long-welcome narcotic from all the pain the world has to offer. When I look into those haunting eyes, I now see fire, purpose and reason.

I hold him tightly, close to my chest so that he may hear my heart beating for him, with him, in him.

Hah! If only the world can see us right now!

Who would ever thought that black and white, dark and light, one loathed and one revered would find comfort in each other's arms?

Maybe that muggle man was right. Opposites do attract.

I feel him snuggle closer to me, skin to skin and I couldn't help but sigh contentedly. There is no way in the nine circles of hell that I would exchange this moment for anything in the world.

To hell with the world.

I shall wage war and fight to the deepest darkest realm of death, anyone, who would dare take away this nirvana from me or I from him.

I held him closer and pulled him tighter. Without a single word, I told him...

I will protect you and keep you safe from all that shall want to cause you harm. You have earned my trust, my love, my devotion, I will be your defender, your knight. I may be not the type who dashes atop a white steely horse...

I shall be your dark knight, my sweet angel.

I live for you, and only you.

I shall remain to be yours.

And yours alone until the end of time.

**010101010**


	6. The Light Disappears

**Chapter 6: The Light Disappears**

" _When the light disappears_

_And when this world's insincere_

_You'll be safe here_

_When nobody_

_Hears you scream_

_I'll scream with you_

_You'll be safe here."_

**[Finding Adversity: Severus Snape]**

If only the world consisted of just him and me, I would already have found my paradise.

We have playfully dubbed our secluded paradise, 'Eden'. He said that we were like Adam and Eve, whoever those were. My precious angel laughed when I had told him that in no uncertain terms shall I take the mantle of the lady. He smiled and said that I wasn't lady-like enough anyway. I was to be the Serpent instead. The Serpent that had caused the awakening of man.

I ruffled his hair playfully with a smile gracing my own lips.

How appropriate it was, how appropriate indeed.

The sly, cunning Serpent was often seen as the evil villain, when all it did was give man knowledge, courage and choices…

Only those who are afraid of the truth should be wary of the Serpent.

It has been half a year of us living in seclusion; not one moment did I challenge my angel's resolve of being away from it all. He had his reasons of keeping 'us' to ourselves, reasons that, I'm afraid I knew too well.

So, to my surprise here we were, strolling along Diagon Alley. I hesitantly fell into step with him, all the while keeping a respectable distance. He looked at me funny; he must have noticed my reluctance.

He held his hand out, I reached for it warily. HE cleared his throat and my eyes met his. He grabbed my hand so tightly, I was afraid he would have broken it.

We braved the walk like that, amidst the glares, the points and the whispers. I knew why they were looking at us like that, pointing at us, talking about us.

Us.

When did it reach that point? When did it become 'us' instead of 'him' and 'I'?

I don't really have the exact answer to that. I guess it just 'happened' gradually. Those who are staring at me and my sweet savior right now, however, do not seem to approve.

I glanced back at my companion; he seemed oblivious to the brewing mutiny though.

Either that or he has evolved into a very believable actor.

I squeezed his hand lightly, trying to elicit any form of acknowledgement, any form of emotion, any form of reaction… but his eyes looked on, ahead, never did he at least once glanced back. I mimicked him.

Then after a few moments I just felt a rather firm grip on my hand; it was to let me know that he was there, to let me feel his presence, to let me know he was okay…

Or at least that's how he had wanted me to feel.

**01010101010**

**[Finding Opposition: Harry Potter]**

I do not know whether to pat myself on the back or break my own arm in the process of doing so for deciding to step out without glamour on.

I was happy for once; and I had wanted the whole world to know of it; to know of my dark knight who had so gallantly kept me afloat, away from the bitter cruelty of my life after the prophecy.

I can sense the hesitation in his steps, the awkward glances he gives me, how hard he tries to stop himself from wanting to hold my hand and envelope me in his sturdy arms –to whisk me away back to the safety of our secluded paradise. Our 'Eden'.

I reached out to grab his hand; partly to comfort him and in part to comfort my own fears. I had wanted to believe that everything was going to be well, that all will settle down. If only I could just convince myself, then maybe I can calm his worries as well.

I feel him stiffen at our contact. He squeezed my hand gently in an attempt at reassurance of his support, his loyalty, his love. Then he relaxed. I heaved a sigh of relief. Now if only that relief would forever be with us.

I can still hear those whispers.

'What was he thinking? This cannot be.'

'He should be ashamed…'

'Cradle-robber…'

'Consorting with dubious characters…'

'That man is a monster.'

'He lives for us alone. He is  **our** savior, after all.'

I grimaced. I wish that they can hear themselves talking. What gave them right to own me or any being for that matter? Who gave them the right to judge me? Him? Us?

I can feel their objections, their hatred, emanating from their preconceived notions…

It saddens me. It breaks my heart that those whom I fought for with my life cannot be truly happy for me.

Do they really think of nobody but themselves? Both my dark knight and I have waged our whole lives in this war so that they and their children and their children's children may live in peace… and this is what we get?

I glanced at my protector, his eyes were busy looking ahead, blindly turning an eye on those persecuting us. He is a great pretender, the greatness of which, which ensured he survived his life of being a double agent. His face was a constant mask whenever he needed it to be.

And just my luck, or not, I can see past his defenses, right through his heart… And I can tell that he is aching as much as I am.

We continued on in that path, in that state of mind for quite a while. And all the while I was ruminating on how tipped the scales of poetic justice were.

Life was unfair.

Still, I can't help but wish it weren't so. Not just for me but for my defender as well.

**010101010**


	7. Long Cold Night

**Chapter 7: Long, Cold Night**

" _Save your eyes_

_From your tears_

_When everything's unclear_

_You'll be safe here_

_In my arms_

_Through the long, cold night_

_Sleep tight_

_You'll be safe here."_

**010101010** _  
_

**[Finding Answers: Harry Potter]**

That ill- fated day began a series of unfortunate events.

Somehow, somebody managed to trace us back to our hideaway. All those months of work on secrecy, thrown to the wind. Owls started to pour in by the dozens, then hundreds, then thousands –I have already lost count by now, but they all mean the same thing.

How could they ever think that they 'know what's best' for me? Who died and crowned them Kings and Queens? I would like to know which of those bastards I offed (or at least cause the demise of) I thank for this. I would certainly want to curse them to hell and back, and then some.

What hurts more is how many of those letters, howlers, came from those who claim to know me, care for me and love me –those I consider my family.

All my life I had just wanted to be happy, to be loved, to be complete. And now that I have found my purpose, my reason, those who say they care were the first ones to turn their backs on me. They have questioned my decisions, my morals, even my sanity. They have even tried to psychoanalyze me. It makes me shudder to even think about it.

My friends… or rather, the friends of the boy-who-lived, were among those who voiced out their hate. One had even threatened to cease being my friend.

I have read a few of those letters, that's how I knew. But I had stopped after the 23rd piece of red, glowing parchment. My hands ache from burns, my eyes burn with tears, my heart tears me up from within.

I decided to just chuck the rest of them in the fireplace. Those that were charmed not to burn were dealt with the muggle way: flushed down the loo.

I sighed. I need a salve, really bad, both for my hands and my aching soul.

I walked around the house in search for my protector, to ask him for help in mending me, but he was nowhere to be found. In fact, I rarely see him these days. It's as if he was avoiding being with me.

That thought hurt me more than the blisters I got from those howlers; it hurt me more than anything life can ever throw at me. Is he rethinking his stand? His devotion? His feelings for me?

I know deep in my heart that those painful words they throw at us won't matter if I was with him. My dark knight was my fortress, but without him, I am weak.

Does he still love me then? Does he still care? He had promised me that he would hold on… is that promise still true? Or has he succumbed to the same mentality as the rest of our god-forsaken world?

My heart aches, my soul weeps, at the grim thought that I would ever lose the sole reason for my continued existence.

Without even thinking about it, I had started to avoid him as well. It hurts to be away from him but it would hurt more to have him near and know that in time I will lose him anyway.

Maybe he doesn't really mean that he loved me, needed me and wanted to protect me.

Maybe they were right. I messed up, again. It was all too good to be true. It was a sweet dream…

A beautiful nightmare.

Maybe it was too much to ask for comfort and warmth, protection and completeness, and love and life in the arms of the one you love.

**010101010**

**[Finding Revelations: Severus Snape]**

I am back in the dark.

The day the world began to end, a rain shower of owls bombarded my refuge, our refuge. I see my angel endure howler after howler, each and every time, shrinking more in his seat after one red letter would explode.

They were horrible. To think those words were from those who say they love and care for him. I shudder to think what his haters would say then.

I stopped listening after the 3rd letter; this one was from a fiery female red head, threatening to hex his and my balls off into oblivion. I decided to stay away for the rest of the girl's colorful string of words.

I knew my angel was hurting deep inside; I can't even begin to wonder why he even bothers to endure those selfish souls. If I were him, I'd just chuck the whole lot down the loo and flush.

I knew my angel needed me. Oh, how much I wanted to wrap him in a heated embrace, kiss him senseless and never let him go until we were both over the edge! But right now, the only thing I feel is guilt.

If it weren't for me, I'm sure that my young savior wouldn't be in this predicament. He would have been receiving well-wishes, letters of gratitude, marriage proposals; not howlers, death threats and obscene requests.

If it weren't for me, he would be applauded, not heckled and jeckled. He would be up in a pedestal, not dragged in mud.

If it weren't for me…

Maybe they were right.

Maybe I should have just perished in the war. That was my original intention anyway. I would be rid of the hate, the prejudice and the pain of the world… and the world would be rid of me.

The only thing keeping me here was my beacon, my hope –my angel. And yet right now, he could definitely do better without me.

I am torn.

I had promised him that I would protect him. But how could I protect him from myself?

I had promised that I would always stand by his side. But how could I be with him if the whole world was against us?

I am torn.

It pains me to push him away, but probably this would be for the best, that I avoid him for a while.

For a long while.

I sneaked a glance at him when he wasn't looking; his face was a picture of hurt, loss and uncertainty. Those that I had vowed to drive away from the love of my life was crushing him, hounding him, haunting him.

I had wanted to just hold him and tell him how much I care, how sweet life was because of him. I wanted him to know that I do not care anymore what the rest of the world may say about us; to hell with the world and all of those who inhabit it.

If only I could convince myself of that first.

But I know no matter what I do, I still won't be enough for him. I would only corrupt him and pull him down –exactly the words of those around us. I can't help but start to agree.

I sighed deeply. What was I thinking anyway, that I would be able to live my life with a 'happily ever after?' No, not me. This is all just a big show, and unluckily, I'm the ugly old antagonist who dies alone on his sleep.

It was all my fault. Me and my dreams of grandeur that should and never could be.

**010101010**


	8. In My Hands

**Chapter 8: In My Hands**

" _When no one understands_

_I'll believe_

_You'll be safe_

_You'll be safe_

_You'll be safe here…_

_Put your heart_

_In my hands_

_You'll be safe here."_

[Finding Completion: Severus Snape]

I had wanted to talk to him, one last time. But I had decided against it.

He can read me like an open book; he will see through my words; he will try to talk me out of it. I'm not scared of that. What scares me is that he may actually be able to convince me.

He will hate me for what I am about to do. Let him. The more he hates me, the better for my soul. Let him think that I had just lead him on, that I had lied, that I had played with his heart and banked on his fame. Let him think that I don't care. Let him believe his 'friends'. It will make my leaving easier.

He will scream, he will cry, he will wallow in the pain of betrayal for a while. But what is important is that he will be well after that. I knew my angel. He is my strength. He will make it through without me.

' _You are my life, Harry. It took me a lifetime to finally find you but it was worth every pain that I've had to endure. Words cannot encompass the entirety of how I feel. You saved me from death, from life, from myself, from my dark destiny. With you, I have found purpose, will and completion._

_My lowest points had been those before I've met you; my darkest days have been those I've spent away from you; my most painful existence had been witnessing you endure their taunts, threats and judgment._

_I am at my happiest when I'm by your side, feeling you, holding you, making you smile. Merlin, how I love it when you smile. Your eyes brighten and the whole world lights up._

_I know it will hurt but this is what should happen for you to be truly happy and at peace. You are my happiness but your own bliss is more important than my own. It will pain me greatly, knowing that you will despise me for this, knowing that I will be leaving you alone to deal with life, when in fact, I have sworn to protect you until my last breath._

_Please know and believe that what I do, I do for you. It may seem like a selfish, easy, stupid thing to do, but know this Harry: I will leave you behind with a heavy heart and a broken soul…'_

In my hand now rests a vial of the Draught of Doom –the most potent, painful poison I have ever conceived. I had briefly considered ending it all painlessly; but it just doesn't seem fitting for me to do without a struggle. My whole life is one big fight. I shall perish fighting or at least feeling that way.

I downed the vial in one gulp –pain assaulted me instantly, more painful than a thousand 'Crucios', tearing me apart into shreds, piece by piece.

I battled that pain for a full five minutes; the most painful five minutes of my life. Pain not from the poison, but more on pain for knowing that the next time that I may open my eyes, I will not see a pair of greens staring right back at me,

' _Harry, thank you. I'm sorry. I love you… in this world and the next.'_

Then I took my last breath.

I was finally released.

Free.

**010101010**

**[Finding Release: Harry Potter]**

The day I had decided my fate, I have not seen my knight for a while. I knew he was in the house, brewing, reading or brooding, I know not. I do not want to know.

My heart aches to see him, but if I do, I will just convince myself to fight a pointless battle. I can never be with him, and without him I can never be truly happy.

I grabbed my Firebolt. I needed to get away from it all and clear my head one last time. The hard ground provided for a solid kick-off. Flying was my one true wizarding passion. It frees my soul and my mind of all inhibitions and burdens. It was exactly what I needed before I leave the cruel world who owed me its existence…

Before I leave my love, my hope, my one and only protector.

He will hate me for this, he will think of me as a coward. I don't care anymore. The more he hates me, the easier it will be for him to forget me and move on.

He will move on, of that I am sure. He is my source of all, he is my tower, my strength; he will not succumb to this, not my dark knight. He will think I am selfish. Merlin, help me.

' _You are my reason, Sev, you alone. You stole me right from the clutches of death that day I found you by the cliff. I have never imagined being happy like this in my whole life. I have never thought that I deserved love, care and devotion, that is, until you came into my world._

_You've always said time and time again how I saved your soul; but I think it is more appropriate to say that you have saved mine. I was lost, without purpose and passion until you came and pledged me yourself as my protector without asking for anything in return._

_Now, let me do my part and protect you; from persecution, from judgment, from the world. I will no longer let them harm you with their harsh words. When I've gone, they will no longer speak ill of us, of you. In my own way, I swear to keep you safe in my arms, in my hands, I hold your heart –the most precious gift one can ever give to me._

_You rescued me from the pits of darkness and despair. You gave me life and restored my shattered world anew. I wish I could tell you, one last time, but this would be for the best._

_In this lifetime and those to come, I will forever be yours. I hope in time you will understand… I hope in time, I too, will understand…_

… _and believe._

I grabbed the handle of my Firebolt tightly. I was speeding so much that everything around me is a blur; I can't even tell if it was night or day.

Now, 'Wronski Feint' was my signature move. I stole it from Krum that day in the Triwizard Tournament. Every time I had attempted to execute it, I had managed to do it flawlessly. Today would be the first and the last time that I would fail my attempt.

I was hundreds of feet away from the ground; the cold air was blowing against my face. I reached into my pocket for a ring; it was an emerald encrusted silver band from the Potter vault. My dad bought it for my mom even if it was in Slytherin colors. He said it had matched her eyes perfectly. It was the ring that I had intended to give to Severus before all the ruckus had began –to remind him of me. It was now going to be the cause of my demise.

I threw the ring in a downward curve, the hardest that I could… then, I began my dive.

100 feet…

' _I'm so sorry, Sev…'_

75 feet…

' _Thank you…'_

50 feet…

' _I love you…'_

25 feet…

' _Forgive me…'_

10 feet…

I wasn't stopping. Not any time soon. I closed my eyes, waiting for the impact.

Then, all was black.

**01010101010**


	9. Epilogue: In This Lifetime And Those To Come

**EPILOGUE: In This Lifetime… And Those to Come**

Steam billowed from the Hogwarts express engine. It was again September 1st. Hoards of young witches and wizards were once again Hogwarts-bound. Amongst the chattering crowd, a small boy of eleven with dark hair and beetle black eyes seemed lost on the platform. He was lugging behind him a huge trunk and a small wicker basket.

"Hey, watch it, squirt!" A tall blond boy with pale gray eyes yelled when the small boy bumped into him.

"I –I'm sorry," the little boy quivered. He was quite new to this world. He did not want to upset anybody. The tall blond smirked evilly and pushed him back. The smaller boy fell on his behind due to the impact. His blond assailant laughed, as did his two equally mean-looking minions who stood beside him.

"That's what mudbloods like you get when you mess with purebloods like us!"

' _Mudbloods?'_ the little boy looked up, confused. He did not know what mudbloods were. The tall boy took offense at the small boy's look of confusion. He made a move to strike the kid.

"Why you – how dare you look at me like that –"

The small boy cringed and shielded himself with his frail=looking arms. He closed his eyes waiting for the impact.

"That's enough, Octavius!" a strong, firm voice said.

"Suit yourself," Octavius, the blond, said, backing away from the small form on the ground. "Come boys, let's go. There's too much mud –"

"Shut it, or I'll hex you!" that voice warned him. He would follow on his threat if needed, and Octavius knew that. He stomped off the platform and into the train, looking sullen.

The small boy still lay on the ground, his eyes still shut.

"Hey, it's alright. They're gone. You can open your eyes now."

When the small boy did, he immediately saw the most beautiful set of emerald green eyes. The eyes of his savior.

"Th-thank you sir," he nodded towards the boy who saved him from those bullies. He stood up and deliberately brushed dirt off of his robes. Once he was upright, he had a good look at his protector; The boy who saved him was obviously older than he was, tall, with green eyes and wavy, auburn hair. His face was gentle and he had a pleasant smile on his lips. The small dark-haired boy thought he had never seen such an attractive-looking person.

"Were you hurt?" his protector asked.

"No –no sir."

"You're a firstie, aren't you?"

"Y-yes, sir."

"Well, I'm in fifth year. I'm a prefect." The red haired boy with green eyes said. "Know what house you'll be in?"

The small boy shook his head. The fifth year prefect grinned.

"That's fine. Nobody actually knows until before the Welcoming Feast anyway. I'm in Slytherin." The older boy pointed to a green and silver badge on his chest.

The younger boy looked uncomfortable.

"I-I hope to be in Slytherin too then." He said in a small voice.

"Really?" the older boy asked, looking surprised. "Why?"

The small boy gulped but said nothing. He looked towards the direction where the bully Octavius and his lackeys had gone. The older boy followed his gaze.

"Don't worry, not all of them are bad.' He reassured the younger one. "I know how you feel. It's all new to you and you're scared. That's alright." He touched the smaller boy's shoulders gently. "I promise I'll look after you, Slytherin or not, okay?"

The small boy looked up at him and was once again drawn to the taller boy's eyes… eyes that spoke to him, calmed him and reassured his fears.

"Y-yes, sir."

"Don't call me sir, though. I'm not your professor." He told him gently, then chuckled at seeing the embarrassed expression the other boy had on his face.

"Well, don't worry much about Octavius. He's just a bully for show. I won't let him mess with you,"

"Re-really?" the small boy asked, unbelieving.

"Yes, really. Now let's get you on to the train or we may be out of decent seats."

Together, both boys heaved the heavy trunk and the wicker basket onto the train. After a few minutes, the small boy was settled in an empty compartment with plenty of room and time to spare.

"Now, I'll need to leave you here for now while I check up with the other prefects. I'll drop by later once were done. The red haired boy said. The smaller boy looked uncomfortable. The red haired boy smiled.

"Relax, you'll meet new friends here soon enough." He then turned to exit the compartment. But before he was out, the small boy stopped him.

"Yes?" the older boy asked.

"It- it's just that I don't know your name and- and I want to thank you properly for being nice to me." He stammered, looking down. The older boy smiled again and held the younger one's chin up.

"Don't be ashamed. I can't believe I forgot to introduce myself to my new friend."

"Friend?"

"Yes," the older boy nodded. "Listen, um, do you have a name as well? It seems that I don't know yours either."

"Oh," the small boy gasped, looking surprised that somebody wanted to know his name.

"I –I'm Se-Severus Snape."

"Well, nice to meet you Severus Snape." The older boy said, extending his hand out for a shake.

"My name is Harry Potter."

**010101010**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to everyone who has supported this story. I hope you enjoyed. Reviews are still very much welcomed! Tell me what you think. Until next time! – Eastwoodgirl.
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